Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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