But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
