Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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