I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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