your parents love me but you hate me
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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