my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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