I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
