Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I can't turn off my feet"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
