Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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