we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
