What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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