Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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