so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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