Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
