woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
