he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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