I cockslap morals
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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