There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
