i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
