he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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