I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
