Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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