My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
