i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
