I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I know her cup size but not her name....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
