How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
