dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
