were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
