I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
