i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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