I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
this boner is exhausting
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
