Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
