I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize