um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
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I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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