Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
