hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
