When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
