Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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