New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
