I must be too annoying 4 u.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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