He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
