So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Randomize
