I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
