WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How does one acquire holy water?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
