You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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