yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My vagina is very pro this idea
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
