yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
