You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
