Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
