I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize