Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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