so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
