i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
