Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you didnt know i had herpes?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
