I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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