I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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