I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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