home. puking in laundry basket.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
