I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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