So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
