dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
