It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
