I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
