they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
