I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
