Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
